Avoidance

Avoidance and procrastination are close cousins.

Think of avoidance as a broad coping mechanism to steer clear of unpleasant thoughts, feelings, or situations. Procrastination, however, is a specific type of avoidance where one voluntarily delays a specific task, even knowing it can lead to bad outcomes. We’ll address procrastination later. Here we’ll look at avoidance – what it means and how to tackle it.

Almost always, we engage in avoidance to help us steer clear of unwanted thoughts or feelings. Psychologist Daniel Gros, in his book Overcoming Avoidance Workbook, describes four types of avoidance: situational, physical, sensational and thoughts.

Essentially, avoidance is a behavior rooted in fear. The feeling that an event will/might/could happen can result in feelings we don’t want to experience.

Remember, fear only lives in the future. The past no longer exists. You only have to handle the present. 
There are two strategies for dismantling fear. The first one is to not think about the future but live in the present. It’s a simple mantra that isn’t all that effective as a strategy, but can serve as a quick reminder when we fear something that may or may not lie ahead.

A more challenging and healthy approach to overcoming fear is to explore the feelings that you would rather ignore. Become introspective and be honest with yourself about those “unwanted” feelings, and I bet you can see that although the feelings are unpleasant, they are also finite and bearable.  

How does avoidance fit into the inquiry of Why We Quit? Well, sometimes we give up because we fear that if the activity we are undertaking is successful, it may lead to uncomfortable feelings. Here’s an example: an adopted child quits pursuing a search for biological parents because there’s a fear of hurt, disappointment or reinforcing a sense of abandonment. So why work so hard to feel so bad?